A little of this, and a lot of that ...
- I’m not saying that God takes a rooting interest in the outcome of games, but I’ve got it on good authority that The Almighty had a cloud reserved directly above the 50-yard-line to watch his favorite player make his first start at the Oakland Coliseum on Sunday.
Oh, and you’ll have to excuse those sandwich-board-wearers marching through Oakland during the Raiders-Broncos game on Sunday proclaiming “The End is Near!” After all, if Tim Tebow battling the forces of the Black Hole isn’t the Armageddon battle between good and evil, it’s at least on the undercard.
- Eagles quarterback and convicted dog-torturer Michael Vick interrupted his resurgent, MVP-caliber season to announce that he wants to own a dog again because, “I’m not a psychopath. I’m not crazy.”
Ummm, maybe it’s just me, but Vick having a dog in his home is just about the worst idea I’ve heard since Ben Roethlisberger tried to adopt a 19-year-old college student.
Or since an unemployed Mike Tyson applied for work as a beauty-pageant consultant.
Or since an NFL team placed a card bearing the name of JaMarcus Russell atop its NFL draft board.
Or since another team did the same thing with the name “Alex Smith.”
- A talk radio show in Nashville took a call from a listener named “Woody” last week, who proceeded to blast Titans coach Jeff Fisher. According to the hosts, they believed the voice of “Woody” to be that of Titans’ wide receiver Randy Moss, impersonating a fan.
Moss certainly has a talent for it, as he’s been impersonating Darrius Heyward-Bey since joining the Titans. He has five catches in six weeks.
- Anybody else find it clinically insane that players for the Vikings and Bears complaining about playing on a frozen, snowy field tonight at the University of Minnesota instead of in the toasty comfort of the damaged Metrodome? Oh, that’s right — they live in the tropical cities of Minneapolis and Chicago. They’re not used to the cold.
- Upon further investigation, New York Jets’ general manager Mike Tannenbaum has determined that Sal Alosi also instructed Julian Assange to publish classified federal documents, Cliff Lee to spurn the Yankees and sign with the Phillies, and Brett Favre to send pictures of his ol’ gunslinger to Jenn Sterger. Rex Ryan, of course, knew nothing about any of it.
- Speaking of Cliff Lee, ignorant sportswriters who compare his joining Roy Halladay, Roy Oswalt and Cole Hamels in the Philly rotation to LeBron James joining Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh should probably find another line of work. Unlike James, Lee called his owner personally to tell him he was leaving, didn’t hold a televised orgy of self-glorification, and didn’t stab his teammates in the back by throwing a playoff series.
Oh, one more thing: It’s not like Lee staying with the AL champions or joining CC Sabathia, Alex Rodriguez, Mark Texiera, Robinson Cano, etc., etc., etc. in New York wouldn’t have been latching onto a title-ready team anyway.
- Finally, talk show hosts in the Bay Area can be relatively sure that if someone named “Woody” calls in to trash Mike Singletary and demand his firing, it’s not Randy Moss. It’s likely to be Troy Smith.
Unless it’s Jed York.
Bob Frantz is a freelance journalist and regular contributor to The Examiner. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org.