“What’s she supposed to do — sit home and knit?”
That’s the comment, both funny and kind of sad, uttered by Lindsay Lohan’s mother, Dina, every time her daughter nosedives in “Project: Lohan,” a one-of-a kind theatrical experience dedicated to the actress gone wild.
The show, in a new space on Market Street, is the brainchild of D’Arcy Drollinger, who not only plays the troubled celebutante, but compiled the nonfiction text from already published quotes, headlines and commentary — quite a job!
Directed by Tracy Ward, the fast-paced, often-amusing show boasts whirlwind performances by the ensemble — Allegra Edwards, Liz Anderson, Sara Moore, Michael Patrick Gaffney and Cindy Goldfield — as the plethora of characters either cheering Lohan, or getting in her way.
Contrasting with supporters such as Tina Fey, Jane Fonda and Meryl Streep are Lohan’s many “frenemies,” including Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, Hilary Duff, Jessica Simpson and Scarlett Johansson. Britney Spears, in a white blouse, plaid skirt, braids with two plastic toy baby dolls precariously strapped onto her body, is hilarious in a flash. (The costumer isn’t credited in the program, but the outfits are fantastic.)
Going in more or less chronological fashion, the action begins in 2004, when 18-year-old Lohan is hospitalized “with a high fever” while shooting the movie “Herbie Fully Loaded.” It’s the first in a long list of headline-making activities including drug busts, public brawls with other celebrities, stints in rehab and courtroom appearances.
Adding to the circus are the excellent Edwards, a woman, as Lohan’s father Michael (once jailed for insider trading) and Gaffney, a man, as mother Dina (not the Rockette she purported to be) — whose parenting skills are never questioned.
Themes pop up: Lohan’s regular spot on Mr. Blackwell’s worst-dressed list and her constant hair color changes, all put on record thanks to paparazzi cameras snapping.
Ultimately, though, the show is much like its subject — full of flash, but lacking depth and evoking little sympathy or insight. When Lohan says “being an actress is lonely,” no in the audience really cares.